2014 will probably see a continuation of this blog over at my photography website. I am still mulling over the details of the 'merger' but I am letting go of the old chhayanat for sure. Time to move out of the shadows.
Sunday, December 29, 2013
Saturday, January 12, 2013
Yaduvansh
So we come to the other side of the moon. I think I can safely say that for the last few months rape has been on our glorious national agenda. States are giving each other a run for the money in rape counts and degrees of brutality. While these are the main features of the day, additional entertainment has been arranged by many politicians and their pet goons and lawyers- some of them openly justifying these crimes. Of course rape is not a crime in their minds so they can't fathom what the heck all this hue and cry is for. Or, is there another reason why they are not even pretending to condemn these incidents?
Douglas Adams in his infinite wisdom said that any politician that is capable of getting themselves elected for a state position is manipulative to such a degree that they should never be allowed to hold the positions. Being a graduate student of economics, I have been trained to make educated and realistic assumptions so if you don't mind I would go ahead and assume that people involved in active poitics in our country are guided by their own vested interests and not by any higher philosophy. This simplifies matter quite considerably. The entente cordiale between the politicians and the general criminals is not something I need to expand on here. By protecting the criminals so that their muscle power can be used to coerce election outcomes our politicians are not only undermining the democracy but also are actively destroying human rights and with that every single chance our society and economy had to prosper. Dysfunctions are being maintained and fostered so that common people get no chance to even think about what they are missing out on or whether their rights are being violated on a daily basis.
On that note, while we could go on bashing the politicians and act all high and mighty let us not forget what we do inside our own homes. It's important to pay attention to how we treat each other even within our family structures. I personally know people who would have committed female foeticide had their baby been a girl. We are talking big cities here, not village. I don't want Matrubhoomi to become a reality. Heck, even our famous film industry runs on mafia money and no points for guessing correctly what kind of life principles they promote.
What's even more painful to watch is that these dysfunctions include and are not limited to what our society considers valuable these days. Running after the mythical eight percent growth and destroying natural, cultural and human resources creates nothing but a country full of rational fools Amartya Sen warned us against. In so many ways we are racing to the bottom. The end of Yaduvansh is happening all over again and we are probably watching with as much interest as we would show to a car crash on a giant silent screen - except this time some of us might be in the car.
Douglas Adams in his infinite wisdom said that any politician that is capable of getting themselves elected for a state position is manipulative to such a degree that they should never be allowed to hold the positions. Being a graduate student of economics, I have been trained to make educated and realistic assumptions so if you don't mind I would go ahead and assume that people involved in active poitics in our country are guided by their own vested interests and not by any higher philosophy. This simplifies matter quite considerably. The entente cordiale between the politicians and the general criminals is not something I need to expand on here. By protecting the criminals so that their muscle power can be used to coerce election outcomes our politicians are not only undermining the democracy but also are actively destroying human rights and with that every single chance our society and economy had to prosper. Dysfunctions are being maintained and fostered so that common people get no chance to even think about what they are missing out on or whether their rights are being violated on a daily basis.
On that note, while we could go on bashing the politicians and act all high and mighty let us not forget what we do inside our own homes. It's important to pay attention to how we treat each other even within our family structures. I personally know people who would have committed female foeticide had their baby been a girl. We are talking big cities here, not village. I don't want Matrubhoomi to become a reality. Heck, even our famous film industry runs on mafia money and no points for guessing correctly what kind of life principles they promote.
What's even more painful to watch is that these dysfunctions include and are not limited to what our society considers valuable these days. Running after the mythical eight percent growth and destroying natural, cultural and human resources creates nothing but a country full of rational fools Amartya Sen warned us against. In so many ways we are racing to the bottom. The end of Yaduvansh is happening all over again and we are probably watching with as much interest as we would show to a car crash on a giant silent screen - except this time some of us might be in the car.
Wednesday, September 12, 2012
Two to Tango
I have been following the news of the flurry of rapes and other atrocities that's happening in West Bengal on a daily basis for the past few months. Being a cynic grumpball my reactions to these headlines ranged from disgust to disappointment to depression and finally rage. This rage is not directed personally to the people committing these crimes. It's more like a geeky Bourgeois rage because I fail to understand what makes these people behave like they are doing now. I can merely speculate.
I have seen a few types of reaction to these stories.
1. She should have known better (than wearing those clothes; than being in that place at that time etc).
2. She is lying (purposely to destroy the guy's life; it was consensual and then she decided to use it against him).
3. It's all staged by some political party. She is lying again.
4. She is promiscuous anyway so it's not a serious violation of her dignity.
5. Why is the government not doing anything, especially when the chief minister of the state is a woman?
You might almost say that I should not expect anything else because after all our society is a patriarchal society. So it is only expected that male members will do what they can to dominate the women folks and keep them in their place- a dehumanized species - almost like livestock - to be used and abused as the "owners" see fit. Had I belonged to the Taliban school of thought, I would probably have learned to live with it. Female foeticide, domestic and public abuse, dowry killings - everything would make sense with that frame of mind.
Except they probably don't take into account that with female foeticide they are skewing the sex ratio against themselves so that there are less and less number of women around as siblings, friends or wives (look how I dare not say partners). Some people have started calling it "gendercide" and the effect is already showing I think. Remember the movie "Matrubhumi""? Sensitive Bengalis who have stuck around and managed to read so far would scream in protest that we are not living in a Taliban-ruled society. It's a democracy and there is a government still in place blah blah. Especially it is "Bengal" - the seat of intellectuals and visionaries, not some shanty town in the middle of nowhere.
This brings me to the point. A group of social network activists have already been prolific pointing out how every case of rape is a governmental failure. They hint at how these incidents reflect the ineptitude of the new government in Bengal. I hope these people have an understanding of how a government functions. They sound like they do, especially when they have been at it for approximately 35 years. I remember the once Chief Minister Jyoti Basu said "these things happen all the time" regarding rapes. he just didn't add "Meh" but that was the attitude (also probably because yankee slang was not a part of his vocab). Our new greenhorn CM has announced monetary compensations instead. That too in a state where you always hear how the government is broke and up to its eyes in debt. Given the rape statistics in Bengal I have a feeling that this is gonna cost her some serious amount of quid. Not the smartest move.
But looking beyond that, government's job is to legislate, administrate and arbitrate. Please look up these words in a dictionary. You could also check the wiki-definition of a government. Maintaining the law and order is one of the aspects of its duties, sure! Please raise your hand now if you have ever SEEN a government. Just like you haven't seen a demand curve or a Higgs-Boson, a government is unseen because it's a concept or a set of rules that define a state's policy. So if you think about it, law and order is maintained by the CITIZENS with or without the uniforms. It's impossible to police every person who lives within our state boundaries and even the thought of doing that is insane. So this is probably the time the citizens of Bengal take up the responsibility of changing their mindset unless they want to live in this dysfunction.
Rapists and abusers have families too. There may be one in your family right now - you may or may not know about it or you may be living in denial. Deal with it! Along with teaching your girlchild how to be safe, please teach your boychild how to behave in a society. Please don't raise your kids, irrespective of gender, like entitled douchebags. You will be doing them a service, forget about societal contribution. It's as simple as stopping yourself from littering the streets and and practicing good personal hygiene. You haven't ever blamed the government for your own dirty underwear, have you? Why would you now??
I have seen a few types of reaction to these stories.
1. She should have known better (than wearing those clothes; than being in that place at that time etc).
2. She is lying (purposely to destroy the guy's life; it was consensual and then she decided to use it against him).
3. It's all staged by some political party. She is lying again.
4. She is promiscuous anyway so it's not a serious violation of her dignity.
5. Why is the government not doing anything, especially when the chief minister of the state is a woman?
You might almost say that I should not expect anything else because after all our society is a patriarchal society. So it is only expected that male members will do what they can to dominate the women folks and keep them in their place- a dehumanized species - almost like livestock - to be used and abused as the "owners" see fit. Had I belonged to the Taliban school of thought, I would probably have learned to live with it. Female foeticide, domestic and public abuse, dowry killings - everything would make sense with that frame of mind.
Except they probably don't take into account that with female foeticide they are skewing the sex ratio against themselves so that there are less and less number of women around as siblings, friends or wives (look how I dare not say partners). Some people have started calling it "gendercide" and the effect is already showing I think. Remember the movie "Matrubhumi""? Sensitive Bengalis who have stuck around and managed to read so far would scream in protest that we are not living in a Taliban-ruled society. It's a democracy and there is a government still in place blah blah. Especially it is "Bengal" - the seat of intellectuals and visionaries, not some shanty town in the middle of nowhere.
This brings me to the point. A group of social network activists have already been prolific pointing out how every case of rape is a governmental failure. They hint at how these incidents reflect the ineptitude of the new government in Bengal. I hope these people have an understanding of how a government functions. They sound like they do, especially when they have been at it for approximately 35 years. I remember the once Chief Minister Jyoti Basu said "these things happen all the time" regarding rapes. he just didn't add "Meh" but that was the attitude (also probably because yankee slang was not a part of his vocab). Our new greenhorn CM has announced monetary compensations instead. That too in a state where you always hear how the government is broke and up to its eyes in debt. Given the rape statistics in Bengal I have a feeling that this is gonna cost her some serious amount of quid. Not the smartest move.
But looking beyond that, government's job is to legislate, administrate and arbitrate. Please look up these words in a dictionary. You could also check the wiki-definition of a government. Maintaining the law and order is one of the aspects of its duties, sure! Please raise your hand now if you have ever SEEN a government. Just like you haven't seen a demand curve or a Higgs-Boson, a government is unseen because it's a concept or a set of rules that define a state's policy. So if you think about it, law and order is maintained by the CITIZENS with or without the uniforms. It's impossible to police every person who lives within our state boundaries and even the thought of doing that is insane. So this is probably the time the citizens of Bengal take up the responsibility of changing their mindset unless they want to live in this dysfunction.
Rapists and abusers have families too. There may be one in your family right now - you may or may not know about it or you may be living in denial. Deal with it! Along with teaching your girlchild how to be safe, please teach your boychild how to behave in a society. Please don't raise your kids, irrespective of gender, like entitled douchebags. You will be doing them a service, forget about societal contribution. It's as simple as stopping yourself from littering the streets and and practicing good personal hygiene. You haven't ever blamed the government for your own dirty underwear, have you? Why would you now??
Monday, September 10, 2012
Rock Paper Dice Enter
So in case you are wondering where have I been all summer, I was off shooting some production stills on my friend's suspense thriller feature: Rock Paper Dice Enter. rockpaperfilms.com.
The film is about three graveyard shift workers who threaten the security of a nation after intercepting a diamond heist. Sounds intriguing?
Here's a teaser video: http://igg.me/p/113236?
Now all you need is some popcorn to go with it.
Actually, wait. If you want investment advice from a very promising (wink, wink) and upcoming economist, you'd spend that gold on something better than popcorn. After all, we have perks available to you for minimum number of green pieces of paper and they are considerably long-lived than buttery popcorn. Also, your arteries will love you.
But seriously, RPDE a total indie film for which we are raising funds through Indiegogo. We need support from YOU! It's simple! To support this film first hit LIKE on https://www.facebook.com/
Keep an eye on this blog for behind the scenes photos and the story about D-cups and teacups.. It is a good story I promise!
Sunday, April 22, 2012
A new photographic chapter
For the past few months I was constantly getting frustrated with the limitations of my long zoom point and shoot. It is a real long zoom which ends up being a kg. of glass encased in a flimsy, plasticky body that's so slow in focusing that you would probably want to shoot nothing but stationary objects in full daylight. A real prima donna that almost never delivers. I wanted out. Sure, some moments are never gonna come back so even if the pictures are shitty, we still love them. So, while people seemed to like some of the photos I was never happy with the quality of the images. I am not a person really as obsessed with sharp images so as to being able to count the facial hairs but I do appreciate some clarity. Also, I am not the pro that can coax excellent shots using a Lego camera but I would sure like to learn how!
I wanted a new camera. However being almost broke did not quite help with that plan until my one of my guardian angels stepped up and pretty much asked me to shut up and take her money.
So I got myself an almost digital rangefinder. The much celebrated cult figure Leica Digilux 2 nonetheless. There is only one person in this world who should be blamed for that madness (and it is a madness since I really really need to finish writing and editing my monster research proposal and all I want to do is to get out on the streets and shoot). That person would be Thorsten Von Overgaard. I read his take on the Digilux 2, wrote to him asking if he thinks it's worth spending my last dimes on, and jumped in.
Today is the Earth day. It's a nice afternoon that I am going to spend with my edits and my baby chili plants that are frolicking in the sun here... well assuming that plants do frolic in their very slow, invisible-to-human-eyes way.
Saturday, April 14, 2012
Barsho Biday
We are ending this year 1418(according to the Bengali calendar) here up north with rain and sleet and general bleakness of nature. Although I am counting my blessings that I could walk around without my snow-boots unlike last year and most years at that. If I had to do a little bookkeeping, the last year has been the best in a long time. True that I spent more time visiting my physiotherapist and acupuncturist than Nymphadora but we had a good time. Signed copies of The Cat's Table, being a part of MENAME in my modest capacity, concert at the Winspear Centre, my new old Leica camera with which I threaten to do a portraiture of Nymph every so often, and Nymph - the last year has been full of treasures. Looking forward to 1419.
Saturday, February 18, 2012
Abar Blog-baji
I took the header photo on one of my aimless, solitary walks on Christmas eve. Winter holidays is the time of the year when the foreign students get a reminder that they are in fact on their own. Some smarten up and hang out with the desi contingent. The anally stubborn solitary animals like me merely turn the collars of their winter parkas up and keep walking. Anyway, as I took the photo it struck me what a perfect example of incongruity and anachronism it was. Nothing really made sense. It looks like a scene that's certainly not set in India. Then what's up with the stray cattle and pigs? And that one of them is actually sitting on the tram line causing the driver to come out and apparently coax it to move? The eighteenth-century buggies and a woman in BLUE SHORTS??!!! What on earth is going on? And how very representative of my feeling of being out of place and not belonging on the eve of a family-oriented holiday! Freaky!
Saturday, September 10, 2011
Truant in canary-shoes
1. Ladybugs have taken over my balcony. They eat aphids. Nymphadora suggested that it is a cause for celebration that I am not an aphid. I know that. She knows that. The question is: do the ladybugs know?
2. So last night I finally saw the northern lights. From my very own window that looks out onto the river and the north sky. If I had a bucket list for life, this would be one item in it. The thing is, I have decided not to create the bucket list myself and delegated the task to life. So life is now taking me to Lac Ste. Anne tomorrow afternoon. Life also suggested to me in its very subtle way that I pray for people while I am there. May be pick up a few blessings hardened into stones and give them away to those who need it.
3. Note to self: My mind functions in the weirdest way and decided to divulge to you the story about the lady bugs first and northern lights later.
4. I don't have a bucket list but I do have a secret wish. It's been buzzing in there since March. Now I am waiting to see if my very own Deus Ex Machina can guess what it is and do something about it. Sorry to be so cryptic. This is almost another note to self. I dare to do these things in a so-called public space like a blog because I am almost certain that no one reads it. Also because sometimes I like to irritate people mildly.
5. That's all for now. There is no fifth point. I just like primes.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Teta Metit
التيتا ماتت وما في انترنت بالضيعة
In other words, 'grandmother died and no internet in the village'. In some other words, sorry I have been out of touch.
I am proud. Of my achievements. By achievements I mean the ability to successfully pick up and reproduce Arabic slangs and proverbs at the right moment. My Lebanese roommate Rantoush is equally proud too. She can now show me off as a perfect student. This would explain why we shout kusummak and uskimaki at each other. You guessed right as they are used between us as the highest form of affection. Also, they mean the same.
This is a strange household. It reminds me of our old place in North Calcutta where people used to leave their front doors open for pretty much anybody to come in while they would be taking their siestas. Here, DV comes and goes as she pleases. Lucie and company come to work in their little kitchen garden and never fail to knock on my window and peek in and say hi. Rantoush takes the last bus from school at one in the morning, enters the house in tiptoes and starts dancing with enthusiasm as soon as she steps in my room, trying to share coherently and incoherently the details of her exciting days. I almost had gotten used to the weird rhythm of this house. Especially I had thought that none of Rantoush's quirks could surprise me anymore. However, I was supposed to stand corrected when the other night she came in, posed as the tickle monster and jumped in the general direction of my body shouting the war cry Katukutu. Yes, Bongs... Katukutu.. and yes she is a full-on Arab who loves the aatar made of belphul or زهرة فل.
I am moving again in a week from now and starting another leg of this journey in another apartment. However I doubt that I will go back to the no-pants-dandy-legs life of a bach as now I seem to have acquired a family here. Edmonton proves to be full of little surprises. Stay tuned for more adventures!
PS: Speaking of adventures, my little Lomo Diana is now starting to deliver. Thought it was time to change the header image :)
I am proud. Of my achievements. By achievements I mean the ability to successfully pick up and reproduce Arabic slangs and proverbs at the right moment. My Lebanese roommate Rantoush is equally proud too. She can now show me off as a perfect student. This would explain why we shout kusummak and uskimaki at each other. You guessed right as they are used between us as the highest form of affection. Also, they mean the same.
This is a strange household. It reminds me of our old place in North Calcutta where people used to leave their front doors open for pretty much anybody to come in while they would be taking their siestas. Here, DV comes and goes as she pleases. Lucie and company come to work in their little kitchen garden and never fail to knock on my window and peek in and say hi. Rantoush takes the last bus from school at one in the morning, enters the house in tiptoes and starts dancing with enthusiasm as soon as she steps in my room, trying to share coherently and incoherently the details of her exciting days. I almost had gotten used to the weird rhythm of this house. Especially I had thought that none of Rantoush's quirks could surprise me anymore. However, I was supposed to stand corrected when the other night she came in, posed as the tickle monster and jumped in the general direction of my body shouting the war cry Katukutu. Yes, Bongs... Katukutu.. and yes she is a full-on Arab who loves the aatar made of belphul or زهرة فل.
I am moving again in a week from now and starting another leg of this journey in another apartment. However I doubt that I will go back to the no-pants-dandy-legs life of a bach as now I seem to have acquired a family here. Edmonton proves to be full of little surprises. Stay tuned for more adventures!
PS: Speaking of adventures, my little Lomo Diana is now starting to deliver. Thought it was time to change the header image :)
Sunday, June 5, 2011
The Demise of a Fighter, in other news Jatugriha
So on June 4th, 2011 I receive a call from the foster parents of Gadhesh saying that he has passed away after suffering for a couple days. We discussed the last rites and as I am writing this, he has been put to rest under a maple tree hoping that in the next life he becomes a bird which is one step ahead in the evolution race. Although, given that Gadhesh was my pet and on one occasion had decided to jump out of his bowl to attack a friend of mine, quirkiness can not be discounted and he might end up evolving into a flying fish. That would be pretty neat in my opinion. Looking back, he seemed to have great insights into human characters and I should have taken his hint. I am not saying that I should have bitten the said friend but I am also not not saying that I should have bitten the said friend.
Speaking of friends, this morning Rantoush tried to cheer me up saying that Gadhesh must already have gone to the fish-heaven and either he has found his mate there and is having fun without trying to tear her apart or he has turned into a fish-angel and going around saying sorry to all the orphan little fish whose parents he murdered in his moments of rage.
Given that yesterday we learned that we were living in a house that was an inch away from a huge dryer fire, I really understand being enraged to the max and not being able to do something about it because we have to be nice. I was and am frying inside because people are not only assholes but they believe in it as if it's the standard and I can't go beyond a certain point to indicate that they are being superdicks. Gahh the helplessness of being civil and human!!! Being a fish is sometimes so much easier.
Speaking of friends, this morning Rantoush tried to cheer me up saying that Gadhesh must already have gone to the fish-heaven and either he has found his mate there and is having fun without trying to tear her apart or he has turned into a fish-angel and going around saying sorry to all the orphan little fish whose parents he murdered in his moments of rage.
Given that yesterday we learned that we were living in a house that was an inch away from a huge dryer fire, I really understand being enraged to the max and not being able to do something about it because we have to be nice. I was and am frying inside because people are not only assholes but they believe in it as if it's the standard and I can't go beyond a certain point to indicate that they are being superdicks. Gahh the helplessness of being civil and human!!! Being a fish is sometimes so much easier.
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Lonely and Shy Boisakh
Yeah bitches.... I am back. And you know why? You wanna know why? Because it's the Bengali New Year that announces the advent of summer and all things warm, it tells you that your prickly heats are back and are gonna stay the season and back in old Kolkata, power starts to "come" at certain times of the day and not "go" as they shed the loads. And somewhere in Kolkata people are eating Ilish and wearing finest and crispestly starched Dhakai sarees and cotton kurtas and visiting friends and foes. And that brings me here today.
As of now, 8.09 pm in Edmonton, we have the Christmas lights (yes CHRISTMAS FUCKING LIGHTS!!) on since it went dark(which was rather early, let me tell you that) and Rantoush and I had a very sombre dinner listening to Frosty the Snowman un-showered and in our pjs because... it's snowing like hell since last night without a break. Just before eating our sad meal(which was by itself the yummiest ever) I was putting the lights on to pretend that the sign of festivities has not died in this household and then I stood at our picture-frame window of the living room looking at the snow-pile outside.
I was probably shaking my head to myself while I heard Rantoush muttering under her breath sitting at the kitchen table:
-Yeah , yeah, I know you are trying to deal with it... Just as I am trying to find a suitable Christmas song on the fucking internet..when it decides to show it's face ..But you know, this is ...surprise.. APRIL! We're all dealing with our issues you know..!
-Yeah man.. What.. This.. I HATE this..
-Yeah, Melancholy is my family name..
...and then she kept muttering about whether the shower was gonna happen, or whether she should go out in her pjs and the hilariously childish striped t-shirt and sandals for a smoke at which point I decided to retire to my perch and write to all you fine people that we are still alive.. So, YOU may begin your debaucheries and assholeries for another year, I permit you in the finest grace and charm that I can summon at this moment. I. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
As of now, 8.09 pm in Edmonton, we have the Christmas lights (yes CHRISTMAS FUCKING LIGHTS!!) on since it went dark(which was rather early, let me tell you that) and Rantoush and I had a very sombre dinner listening to Frosty the Snowman un-showered and in our pjs because... it's snowing like hell since last night without a break. Just before eating our sad meal(which was by itself the yummiest ever) I was putting the lights on to pretend that the sign of festivities has not died in this household and then I stood at our picture-frame window of the living room looking at the snow-pile outside.
I was probably shaking my head to myself while I heard Rantoush muttering under her breath sitting at the kitchen table:
-Yeah , yeah, I know you are trying to deal with it... Just as I am trying to find a suitable Christmas song on the fucking internet..when it decides to show it's face ..But you know, this is ...surprise.. APRIL! We're all dealing with our issues you know..!
-Yeah man.. What.. This.. I HATE this..
-Yeah, Melancholy is my family name..
...and then she kept muttering about whether the shower was gonna happen, or whether she should go out in her pjs and the hilariously childish striped t-shirt and sandals for a smoke at which point I decided to retire to my perch and write to all you fine people that we are still alive.. So, YOU may begin your debaucheries and assholeries for another year, I permit you in the finest grace and charm that I can summon at this moment. I. Don't. Give. A. Shit.
Tuesday, March 22, 2011
The Cinnamon Peeler : Michael Ondaatje
I am trying very hard not to fall in love but ..it's hard.. "Nuf about me..Why don't you just read this?
If I were a cinnamon peeler
I would ride your bed
and leave the yellow bark dust
on your pillow.
Your breasts and shoulders would reek
you could never walk through markets
without the profession of my fingers
floating over you. The blind would
stumble certain of whom they approached
though you might bathe
under rain gutters, monsoon.
Here on the upper thigh
at this smooth pasture
neighbor to your hair
or the crease
that cuts your back. This ankle.
You will be known among strangers
as the cinnamon peeler's wife.
I could hardly glance at you
before marriage
never touch you
-- your keen nosed mother, your rough brothers.
I buried my hands
in saffron, disguised them
over smoking tar,
helped the honey gatherers...
When we swam once
I touched you in water
and our bodies remained free,
you could hold me and be blind of smell.
You climbed the bank and said
this is how you touch other womenthe grasscutter's wife, the lime burner's daughter.
And you searched your arms
for the missing perfume.
and knewwhat good is itto be the lime burner's daughter
left with no trace
as if not spoken to in an act of love
as if wounded without the pleasure of scar.
You touched
your belly to my hands
in the dry air and said
I am the cinnamon
peeler's wife. Smell me.
If I were a cinnamon peeler
I would ride your bed
and leave the yellow bark dust
on your pillow.
Your breasts and shoulders would reek
you could never walk through markets
without the profession of my fingers
floating over you. The blind would
stumble certain of whom they approached
though you might bathe
under rain gutters, monsoon.
Here on the upper thigh
at this smooth pasture
neighbor to your hair
or the crease
that cuts your back. This ankle.
You will be known among strangers
as the cinnamon peeler's wife.
I could hardly glance at you
before marriage
never touch you
-- your keen nosed mother, your rough brothers.
I buried my hands
in saffron, disguised them
over smoking tar,
helped the honey gatherers...
When we swam once
I touched you in water
and our bodies remained free,
you could hold me and be blind of smell.
You climbed the bank and said
this is how you touch other womenthe grasscutter's wife, the lime burner's daughter.
And you searched your arms
for the missing perfume.
and knewwhat good is itto be the lime burner's daughter
left with no trace
as if not spoken to in an act of love
as if wounded without the pleasure of scar.
You touched
your belly to my hands
in the dry air and said
I am the cinnamon
peeler's wife. Smell me.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
I am not a Clydesdale but...
Apparently when you live in -30s, you adapt. Also people remind you daily that being bfff with the double-duvet is not a great socializing option and they mind if you are not paying attention. So you grumble, put on about twelve layers of clothing and go check out the winter festivals.. as if you didn't have enough of the snow already. After about three such expeditions, the festivals become more or less a continuous walk-on-the snow, try-to-warm-yourself-by-chopping-some-wood, failure-acknowledgement, hot-chocolate-and-hand-warmer-in-pocket process. I have a feeling that unless you are a Shiba Inu or a little Clydesdale, you are naturally at a comparative disadvantage as far as frolicking in the snow is concerned. However, I am not any variety of dog or pony. So my feelings are not that hard to decipher. Yet, today I went out of the house with absolutely no provocation and stayed out for an hour shooting my feathered neighbors in the Mill Creek.
Since then I am in bed with no amount of hot chocolates making any difference. Somebody kill me now.
Since then I am in bed with no amount of hot chocolates making any difference. Somebody kill me now.
Monday, February 28, 2011
State of Chhayanat
Alrighty!
Chhayanat has come hobbling back again to your darken your virtual doorstep! Honestly speaking these days sometimes I feel like a teeny weeny leetlil chicken running around with its head cut off. This Prairie winter's been howling outside my window for so long that finally I am giving in. My tropical fucking bones need the heat sometimes thank you very much. So however much I liked to meet the magpies in the Mill Creek ravine while they told me how they brought Aurora Borealis from the north pole on one endless dark winter night, squawking and cawing, I want to go back to my effing crowded city full of little brown sweating-profusely people. As it is, half of my time these days is spent lying on a table exposing my slender back to the Chinese horrors of Acuneedles. Believe me or not, I am the Reverse Bhishma Revisited on the bed of arrows.
On other news, I am getting sucked into the lomo-whirlpool big time. So much so that one of these days in spite of my stupor I managed to haul the fishycam to the table of Acuda and demanded that he take a picture or several of my thorn-adorned bare back. Remember Matrix?
Talking about movies, apparently the big Oscar night came and went. I was kind of engaged in some other stuff that required more attention. One such is my first drag show. May be I am at the far end of the spectrum but I miserably failed at seeing the point of nightclubs and drag shows. Nightclubs may be fun for some but they do kill your eardrums. And since I am not planning to get into the whole serious discourse of the politics and economics of sexuality, let's just say that I was not impressed with the drag either. It was a drag queen pageant and it was as sad as any other beauty pageants are. Thank you but no thank you.
Chhayanat has come hobbling back again to your darken your virtual doorstep! Honestly speaking these days sometimes I feel like a teeny weeny leetlil chicken running around with its head cut off. This Prairie winter's been howling outside my window for so long that finally I am giving in. My tropical fucking bones need the heat sometimes thank you very much. So however much I liked to meet the magpies in the Mill Creek ravine while they told me how they brought Aurora Borealis from the north pole on one endless dark winter night, squawking and cawing, I want to go back to my effing crowded city full of little brown sweating-profusely people. As it is, half of my time these days is spent lying on a table exposing my slender back to the Chinese horrors of Acuneedles. Believe me or not, I am the Reverse Bhishma Revisited on the bed of arrows.
On other news, I am getting sucked into the lomo-whirlpool big time. So much so that one of these days in spite of my stupor I managed to haul the fishycam to the table of Acuda and demanded that he take a picture or several of my thorn-adorned bare back. Remember Matrix?
Talking about movies, apparently the big Oscar night came and went. I was kind of engaged in some other stuff that required more attention. One such is my first drag show. May be I am at the far end of the spectrum but I miserably failed at seeing the point of nightclubs and drag shows. Nightclubs may be fun for some but they do kill your eardrums. And since I am not planning to get into the whole serious discourse of the politics and economics of sexuality, let's just say that I was not impressed with the drag either. It was a drag queen pageant and it was as sad as any other beauty pageants are. Thank you but no thank you.
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
The much-promised Lomoland
Here goes the first batch of Lomos from wintry Edmonton! This has been so much fun that a bunch of clydesdales won't be able to drag me away now from my cute Lomosh. I am totally hooked!
Wednesday, January 12, 2011
State of Chhayanat
- Alive and sore!
- Lomo pics coming soon! May be..
- A community "what if .." fiction coming soon! This basilisk is looking at Scribbler, Dip Narayan, Ketchup Girl and any volunteer that willingly ventures to open that chamber..
- Managing to keep my dick out of crazy, so far!
Hang on tight there buddies!
- Lomo pics coming soon! May be..
- A community "what if .." fiction coming soon! This basilisk is looking at Scribbler, Dip Narayan, Ketchup Girl and any volunteer that willingly ventures to open that chamber..
- Managing to keep my dick out of crazy, so far!
Hang on tight there buddies!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
The Cat's Cradle
So the day before yesterday, this housecat had a funny feeling about going to yoga. It's not an easy job - moving. It fucking sucks even though the end-product is great. I had finally moved most of my stuff and was contemplating an early evening nap as is the custom of the housecats. DV was out and had said that she would come back for yoga. This is what happened afterwards:
- Decided not to be the little sucker (bad decision, being a sucker suits me)
- Hauled ass up to Yogaloft
- Found it closed
- Cursed
- Told self on the way back that I should pay more attention to my funny feelings
- Came to the big intersection
- Waited for the pedestrian light to come on as any conscientious citycat should do
- Started crossing and looked left while almost in the middle of the street
- Saw a car coming towards self pretty faster than is good for my health
- Tried getting out of the way of the tires
- Got hit in the legs and tossed into the air (Yay, Housecat is now Flyingcat!)
- Spent the next six hours in the ER having the greatest time with DV and RN.
- Decided not to be the little sucker (bad decision, being a sucker suits me)
- Hauled ass up to Yogaloft
- Found it closed
- Cursed
- Told self on the way back that I should pay more attention to my funny feelings
- Came to the big intersection
- Waited for the pedestrian light to come on as any conscientious citycat should do
- Started crossing and looked left while almost in the middle of the street
- Saw a car coming towards self pretty faster than is good for my health
- Tried getting out of the way of the tires
- Got hit in the legs and tossed into the air (Yay, Housecat is now Flyingcat!)
- Spent the next six hours in the ER having the greatest time with DV and RN.
Monday, November 22, 2010
State of Chhayanat
Okay, just for documentation's sake.... it's -25 degree centigrade out here today with a wind chill of -34(only! and not even snowing anymore!) and I tried to walk across the street to get some nourishment in shirtsleeves, froze, tucked my tail between my legs and took the pedway on my way back. The prairie winter bullies you into submission. But I must say it's a nice day. Sun's a-shining, pigeons huddling on the glass roof of the greenhouse that my window looks out onto - it's the only surface without the snow-cover anyway - and I have only a remnant of last night's Saawariya-induced headache. Awesome! The randomness of life has reached that level where I get out of my house and walk seven blocks in the snow with the intention of doing some yoga and end up watching my brain getting arse-raped by the Kapoor contingent. There! I have said it! I was hoping to muster enough courage, conviction and emotional maturity to deal with this trauma on my own, but I fail! Epic FAIL!
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
The Hundred Club
A question that I have been mulling over for some time now is whether I am living in excess. I know, a grad student living in the great Northern Whites - how do you even define 'excess'? Apparently other people thought about this when they reached a life and an apartment choked with stuff that they didn't need and probably forgot that they possessed. Other people in the North Americas - makes sense. So they started the purge and described it as an "emotional process" drawn over several years of prioritizing possessions. And since a hundred seems be a nice, friendly number, some people are trying to reach the state where they can live with just a 100 of most essential objects. However, this is the area where it gets a little blurry as far as the goal definition goes. 100 Things? 100 Objects? 100 Items? Clearly, if I had ever possessed 756 pairs of shoes and about 21.6 of past and current love interests, then it would probably make sense to club them as single items. Having had none, it was still kind of unclear to me as to how should I exactly proceed. But being a grad student living out of a suitcase should make it easy, right? This is when my friend DV suggested the name "The Hundred Club".
Given that it is a difficult journey to SHED (Separate the treasures, Heave the trash, Embrace your identity from within and Drive yourself forward - yeah yeah, I know, Baloney and Marshmallow Clouds raining M&M Candies), I am gonna use the safety net of not being obsessive compulsive about whether it's a hundred items or objects. My housecatty self finds it challenging to even start thinking about making a comprehensive list of the things that I happen to possess but give it a try I must.
Writing all this wearing my newly acquired tweety-colored life-saver jacket and jungle green hat. My life is the biggest consistency challenge I have ever known.
Given that it is a difficult journey to SHED (Separate the treasures, Heave the trash, Embrace your identity from within and Drive yourself forward - yeah yeah, I know, Baloney and Marshmallow Clouds raining M&M Candies), I am gonna use the safety net of not being obsessive compulsive about whether it's a hundred items or objects. My housecatty self finds it challenging to even start thinking about making a comprehensive list of the things that I happen to possess but give it a try I must.
Writing all this wearing my newly acquired tweety-colored life-saver jacket and jungle green hat. My life is the biggest consistency challenge I have ever known.
Monday, October 4, 2010
Chupa Chups
I am kind of worried at this moment because I guess the neighbors are gonna complain to my dragon of a landlady about the Floridian hurricane that's been blowing through my lungs since Saturday. I don't blame them. I have been wearing my sound-block headphones most of this time.
Did you know that the logo of Chupa Chups was designed by Salvador Dali? I didn't, well at least before Saturday morning. Oh Yeah! Grad school Saturday mornings - how I love thee! Wake up hung over and being a nerd for weird and useless facts, google Chupa Chups. Am I great or AM I GREAT!!! All my future girlfriends should hurry up and meet me now.
Talking about meeting people, the last week was somehow all about connecting to bloggers, for REALZ. And also about handing out relationship advice like relief packages after flood - thrown from the army choppers so that you get a packet of milk powder and soy granules and are left to figure out how to save your soul with those. HAHAHAHA! Ha Ha hrmph.. I guess after having an eight hundred dollars weekend stand and another eight hundred dollars break-up tour, it really qualifies me to talk about relationships, or not. Take your pick and let me know if you need some nerdy help to go around town.
KTHNXBAI.... Oh and I guess you already know why Dali's mustache is the way it is?
Did you know that the logo of Chupa Chups was designed by Salvador Dali? I didn't, well at least before Saturday morning. Oh Yeah! Grad school Saturday mornings - how I love thee! Wake up hung over and being a nerd for weird and useless facts, google Chupa Chups. Am I great or AM I GREAT!!! All my future girlfriends should hurry up and meet me now.
Talking about meeting people, the last week was somehow all about connecting to bloggers, for REALZ. And also about handing out relationship advice like relief packages after flood - thrown from the army choppers so that you get a packet of milk powder and soy granules and are left to figure out how to save your soul with those. HAHAHAHA! Ha Ha hrmph.. I guess after having an eight hundred dollars weekend stand and another eight hundred dollars break-up tour, it really qualifies me to talk about relationships, or not. Take your pick and let me know if you need some nerdy help to go around town.
KTHNXBAI.... Oh and I guess you already know why Dali's mustache is the way it is?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)